Managing Stress

To try and create a totally stress free life would be both unrealistic and undesirable. Stress arising from your work, your family life and other personal relationships, in fact just the everyday business of living and trying to survive as well as you possibly can inevitably leads to stress. It is unavoidable. Further more, some degree of stress could be said to be good for you! Dealing with stressors (the things that cause us stress) teaches us new knowledge and skills. In fact, a famous Swiss philosopher-developmental psychologist, Jean Piaget believed that intelligence arises out of a child's struggle to maintain homeostatic equilibrium with the environment. That's a fancy way of saying that learning through struggle how to survive in an environment that is continually changing develops our "smarts". A very simple example is that when it is cold we put on woolly clothes and thereby maintain our necessary body temperature of about 98.4F.

Trying to deal with too many stressful situations at the same time, to deal with strong continuing stress over too long a period, or with a stress that is overwhelming in its severity can lead to depression, panic attacks and a whole host of physical problems. The physical problems can include angina or heart pains, various forms of skin rashes, colitis, and high blood pressure just to name the most common.

Here are some ways to reduce stress:

Postpone major life changes. Have you been planning to retire or possibly shift your family to another State or country with a nicer climate or higher salaries and find work there? Or get married? Or have children? Or "throw in" your job and start a business? Or go on an expensive holiday? If the change you have been contemplating seems more stressful than exciting then perhaps you should confer with your "significant others" with a view to postponing or totally re-considering the dreamed of change.

Learn to relax. Try to get 7 or 8 hours sleep. If you have been having trouble sleeping you might be suffering depression, especially if you have also noticed significant changes to your appetite. Make sure you give yourself time to relax. This is important. Some time spent watching the football on TV can be a form of medicine! Or working on your hobby or pastime. For a time I was seeing a 37 year old man, the owner-driver of a truck, suffering heart palpitations while driving. Tests showed his heart was OK but he was never tested while suffering the palpuitations. He worked day and night including weekends and would not let anyone else help him. He insisted on cleaning his truck every day and doing it himself. He said he was working to give his children a better future. I failed to influence him and so there is a real doubt in my mind that he will survive to see his children actually enjoying that better future. Let go. Relaxation is necessary. The work my colleagues and I do is very tiring and draining. One of my colleagues has taken up Yoga and has sung its praises so enthusiastically that I am starting too. There are also simple methods of progressive relaxation such as I use to induce hypnosis but can be done on oneself - almost identical in fact to the yoga relaxation method.

Exercise. Try to get daily exercise. Stretching exercises are very good for maintaining that youthful feeling. And three or four times per week minimum you could get some brisk cardio-vascular exercise for at least 40 minutes. By "brisk" I mean brisk enough to make you sweat and puff and your heart rate to increase. Taking a dog for a walk can be good exercise. After 2 weeks of very regular exercise like this it tends to become addictive by which I mean it ceases seeming like a chore and you come to feel something is missing when you don't do it. This sort of exercise is also an excellent treatment for depression. Swimming for say 40 minutes is also excellent stress-relieving exercise.

Make a pact with yourself to become more assertive. In short, learn to say, "No!" Instead of always saying "Yes", and taking on new commitments or agreeing to do things you really deep down don't want to do - just smile and say, "No, definitely, no". If you are then subjected to wheedling just continue to smile and keep saying "No, no, no". If you are then subjected to flattery, "Oh, but you are so good at it!", just keep smiling and say, "That's very kind of you - but - No", like a broken record. If you are asked to explain your refusal, refuse to do so. Just say something like, "No, I won't be explaining my refusal apart from saying that what you are asking is not consistent with my present responsibilities and commitments." This could lead to more wheedling but just keep up the "broken record" response. It can all be done with a charming smile. There's no need to be obnoxious or aggressive in saying, "No". Here's a hint that will help enormously - say "No" quickly, immediately you detect that a conversation is leading you in an unwanted direction. Only today I got a phone call from a lady who started out, "I'm calling from Rotary and I thought you might like to know what we are doing - " at that point I cut her off with, "No, not this time but thanks for calling". She started to say, "Alright, have a nice day" but I had hung up - click - before she finished. I detected she had been about to ask for a donation so I killed her expectation of success immediately before she could subject me to more persuasion. Say "No" and say it fast. Failing to do this can lead the other person to faulty expectations and thereby anger, so this is especially important in personal relationships. If you mean "No" then say it fast and say it plainly and unambiguously. It can be done with a smile. If necessary repeat your "No" over and over like a broken record. Refuse to give explanations.

Attend to your relationships, marital and others. If you have marital or other relationship problems deal with them. You might have to seek counselling either as a couple or on your own. If you are in a toxic relationship then maybe you can simply bite the bullet and get rid of it. If you cannot do that then at least get some help in rationalising the situation and getting it to a less stressful state.

Finances. Money or lack of it is a very common cause of stress. If you are in a stressful financial situation don't hesitate to get help in sorting it out. There are investment advisors that can help you rationalise your finances and the banks have their people who can counsel you and help rationalise your situation. Government agencies the equivalent of Australia's "Centrelink" offer financial counselling and the government provides special financial counselling for farmers. Don't try to tough it out or the situation could get worse. If you see your bank as a potential serious problem then don't wait for the bank to harrass you - get in first and go to the bank and confess your situation. More often than not banks negotiate livable situations for their customers.